Fruity-tootie
Fresh fruit spread across employees’ computer desks implies that this is the health conscious slave master. The low calorie snacks mean a leaner and meaner workforce with no room for lardy work shy individuals. This company is clearly trendy. Make sure you are seen running up and down the stairs, racing from your office desk rather than quietly using the lift.  Make sure people see you removing cycle clips each morning whilst you are in reception. Dress code is Gap or Nike. Ensure you carry a bottle of designer water placing it firmly on your office desk where all can see when you are sat down.

Straight in the vein
There are some companies who bypass all the social niceties when offering food and offer their biscuits straight from their packets. This indicates a strong element of comfort eating with chocolate digestives, custard creams and jammie dodgers being a favourite.  You will often see outbreaks of minor scuffles over the office desks amongst staff fighting over the last packet and panicking when the last one was consumed. This company will also be into instant gratification and will be childlike in its pursuit of their goal. Comfort is the theme and sense of style is almost totally absent. Make sure you converse in child like tones and using phrases like ’ickle problem’ and ’weenie spot of overtime’. Pin pictures of your pets or children around your PC monitor.  Keep further family pictures in your desk drawers.  Make sure you always wear cardigans and have your hair plaited.